No longer

Do I remember

When the pain began

Or ended

If it did.

I lay, sit or stand

Hoping against hope

It will stop

But

Knowing that any relief

Is temporary

Don’t get me wrong

There are certainly

Distractions

That take my mind

On a ride

The wind, rain, sun

Grandchildren

Children

Wife

But oh how do I pray

That the grip of pain

Would release

Tears now

As I know

What the future holds

Sometimes still a wave of peace

Will seem to overflow me

Like a  brief cool wind in summer

Even so I know my lot

Is far better than many

And so for now

I read this chapter in my book of life

FXC 4/22/15

So close to 6:30

Early in the morning

Waiting till Plehns 

Unlocks the door

That I might lumber in

To delight in the smells 

Of my bakery

Seemingly limitless choices

Of pure lust

But always

Chocolate cream filled long johns

Will begin to slake the need

For pure sweet pleasure

So sometimes 

The problems of life

Can be eased 

With a visit to Plehns 

Thank you so much

Plebs

FXC

4/21/15

And so what is the truth?

Screamed from the street

Rants in politics

Shouted in forums

Incessant blogs

No view is sacred

No belief sublime

Cherished friends

Now divided

By long held assumptions

No one is safe

No life protected

In the rush

To enforce the truth

On those not of your ilk

FXC 4/21/15

So strange

The urgency

To clarify for myself and others

Time is  not endless

For me

Goals now have to be really specific

I will not see the completion of

Plans and Dreams

The Moment

Takes on so much more meaning

I make plans as markers on a To Do note

But it is this moment that is all I have

And in this moment i am truly alone

For when my moment passes

All who are with me now

Will be in their own moment

Without me

So it is peaceful

To accept my moment

To know that my forever

Is now in my moment

FXC 1/18/15

So it was set

A trip to the country

Just a few hours

Maybe some antique shops

A little musty but intriguing

So hard getting used to being alone again

So many times, we worried

About what the kids wanted

Or needed

Now we had to discover

What we really wanted

More important what you like and wanted

Oh yes, I knew you liked chocolate frosting

But I didn’t know you liked ream cheese frosting also

I guess we didn’t get to that on our first or second date

Well now I know

So we drove to a specific spot, Bardstown

Oh my gosh, we forgot how long it has been since we went to

Bardstown

Then so busy and new

Camping and playing with the children

We young and full of energy

Now we kept looking for restrooms and

Dairy Queens

Well fortunately we found both

Not really a Dairy Queen but a McDonalds with ice cream cones

We wanted to look at each other

To search for that moment when we just squeezed

Just because we were together

But we were confused

We thought just by getting away

We would get together

That the old magic would come

Out of the bottle

And all of the old feelings

Would flood back

But it seems we will have to piece

It back together

The old haunts

The old memories

We will do it

And we will

Come back to Bardstown.

FXC  9/13/11

65 degrees is not really cold but the whole family had the flu and I was warding the illness off by wearing a jacket with long pants.  Just needed a sandwich from Subway.  Not too complicated. Even knew what my wife wanted, grilled chicken with chipotle sauce.

Three smokers outside the bar next door told me it couldn’t  be too cold.  I went into Subway and quickly noted there was virtually no one in the store. Well there was one person. As I looked towards the counter there was one perfectly dressed young lady who seemed to be staring at me. I tried to act like I was looking away but i couldn’t help myself from noticing everything luscious about her. Soft brown hair, cascading down her shoulders, short skirt mid-thigh, shiny black boots, a hint of lip stick and no wedding ring. And yet she continued looking my way as I walked towards the counter.

It was inevitable, our eyes met and locked.  Locked until she started surveying me.  Actually I was almost embarrassed.  I wanted to look away but the momentary passion kept my eyes glued on hers as she studied me.  Finally, I realized she was starting to look me over f rom top to bottom.

In a panic, I wondered, is it my fly open, or did I even wear pants but then I found my answer.  As her eyes lowered and then stopped, I too looked down.  I was wearing my winter pajamas. Our eyes were not locked anymore.  I took what was left of my pride and left the store without ordering.  Hopefully, I don’t show up on Facebook.

FXC  11/17/13

Wait

You always asked me to wait

Waited to walk down the aisle

Till I almost had to run

Waited while the children grew

Who knew that never ended

Waited for the mortgage to pay off

What’s with thirty years?

Waited till retirement

Why are we busier now

Waited for the commitments to end

Will they ever, never

But you never asked me to wait

For your love

Frank

12/23/13

It should be noted that early on
While young, possibly seventeen
My self perception
Was, maybe, inflated
But that belief allowed
For a an unfounded confidence
To obtain some measure of success
But then
My retreat from the public world
To the private world of
One person and one house
Left me groping for meaning
Now my past successes and accomplishments
Lacked authority in an an environment
Unfamiliar to me
Where could I fit in and exercise
My skills as a micro manager
Ah, ha
The Leaves
The Leaves were seemingly endless
And with two oak trees I would be at least
Seasonable employed and with my understanding
Of Mother nature, surely I would excel
So to work I went
Exercise and duty, a perfect fit
Till a lady I know
Who, fancied herself as a connoisseur of all she surveyed
Barged into my alleged domain
To demonstrate how leaves should be collected
Attempting to right my damaged ego
My explanation of Mother nature and raking methods
Fell on deaf ears
But my ears heard quite well
“You are lackadaisical about leaves”
Could’ve hurt but unlike a real man
I had to laugh, and then laugh some more
She was so wrong, so very wrong on so many levels
But her word choice, “Lackadaisical”
After all my work and effort
Careful plotting on foiling Mother nature
And I, I was lackadaisical
Ah, still the gulf, the divide
Between man and woman
Husband and wife
To this day, the word lackadaisical,
Causes me to smile

FXC 12/24/14

But again the fall
Hints of soft cool breezes
Early but warming late
Not ready to turn from summer just yet
But again the pools have closed
Flowers no longer revived by water
Grass that now slowly shrivels
Even without a lawnmower
Why the rake?
Why is that harbinger of fall
Still leaning lonely against the wall
Waiting to be brought to life
By worn hands and bent fingers
Gloves not really needed anymore
My eyes close to see the time unfolding
The time needed to rake the vestiges of summer
As if to lay the ground bare for the nutrients of
Snow
Bags of leaves, broken twigs, dog stuff
Being scooped up to foster new growth
And yet deep down I find fragile shells
Which once housed loud and active life
Lives that were given up to enrich and enhance
Spring
When again the clacking of the new cicadas will be heard

FXC 9/30/14

Ah so here we are

Dinner

Don’t know what to have

Don’t know who should fix it

You are tired of preparing dinner

I
am ill equipped by skill or desire 

45 years later I can understand

We spent the day as we always have

With noble purpose and good deeds

But now again

Dinner?

Even beyond dinner

Where are we?

What do we do?

Or share?

We have spent a life doing for others

Now what about us?

And yet we have talked about this.

Maybe play cards

Or a board game

Or learn a language

Ride bikes?

Work in the garden?

And yet it seems that watching TV

Is a constant

Enjoyable at times

But so unfulfilling

Can we once again capture

The magic

Of our youth

Which made us thirsty

Just to be in each others presence

Can we be together again or must we lose ourselves again 

In the quagmire of TV

Maybe just maybe

We could start over 

Write our own script

And as we have always believed

Live happily ever after

FXC 8/25/14