USPS delivered a heavy box

To our door Saturday

Securely taped

From a distant relative

Not really expecting anything

But it was a fancy scrapbook of

The life of my father

Thomas Joseph Cameron

Born April 06 1911

Left us June 29th 1969

It must have been in a safety deposit book

Appeared untouched all these years

Fumbling through the plastic covers of the pictures

Trying to explain who this man was too my family

Pictures, newspaper articles

Since he was eleven years old

Never really got a chance

To know you

Saw you every day

Talked to you every day

But pretty much about the routine

Of a father and his eldest son

Fixed up a bike for my first bike

Flew model airplanes

Played catch

Every spring you would plant

Grass seed where the neighborhood kids

Would play marbles

Ever hopeful

That nonetheless grass would grow

As a child it is difficult to remember many details

Especially now 50 years later after you left

Went on family camping adventures

With seven children and grandma

Driving our green VW bus

A Salem light clinched between your teeth

Had your youngest child at 50

Don’t really know how you and Mom did it

Don’t know if we were any different than many families

Of that period, many children and little money

Parents legacy waxes and wanes

Pretty much just within their offspring

Others just knew of you for the most part

So who were you Tom Cameron

I’m afraid you left too quickly

For a summation of your life

By a nineteen year old

Actually now that I am an older parent

I too am experiencing the different views

That children have of their parents

Used to try to explain the juxtaposed opinions

Now I understand it’s part of the process

I miss you but still only visual memories

From antiquated Polaroid and old Super 8 films

Remain to bring you to mind

How would you look today

Can’t know

But Tom Cameron you are still here

In me, my children and my grandchildren

I love you

And poor Dad in this life there really are no

Do Overs

FXC

4/3/19

Couldn’t take the time

To get away

To far to drive

To many previous commitments

To reschedule

To expensive

To be with you for a three day weekend

But they were our friends

And their child was getting married

To the love of his life

It was a long drive

But the weather was sunny and little traffic

Seeing old friends

In the true sense of the word

Was really welcome

Too long, too long between conversations

The rehearsal dinner

Was as you might expect

Geared for welcoming a new family and friends

Lots of standing on somewhat wobbly legs

Staying up later than normal

But the noise level was a barometer of the excitement

And then Saturday

Got a wonderful weather day, 71 and sunglasses were required

Spent the day visiting a pedestrian mall

Which if we had not come to the wedding

We might never have enjoyed

So perfect to spend time with you

Fifty years later, pretty much, I just want to spend time with you

And yet the purpose of the trip was in the evening

An early evening wedding, outside facing a luscious landscape

Everyone ‘dressed to the nines’

Excitement building

As the wedding party began their entrance

A small ensemble of musicians

Serenaded

Then the wedding couple took center stage

Beaming with joy

So glad that this moment had finally arrived

Such unmitigated happiness

Seemed to radiate over us

So wonderful,

To witness, again

The beginning of love

FXC

3/31/19

1981-1996

The millennial birth span

Interesting group to Baby Boomers

Scads of articles and books about that group

They are

Skeptical of owning homes

Very doubtful of Government safety nets

Don’t trust private companies long term

Want unique interesting jobs

See no reason to wait for an intimate relationship

See no reason to stay in an intimate relationship

Marriage and children are not necessary requirements to be happy

There are lessons here for the Baby Boomers

To this point there is a decided difference in perspective

Between these two groups

Does that perspective matter?

Does one generation need to revisit their beliefs

Or acquiesce to the following generations beliefs

First let it be stated

“There is no behavior that goes unrewarded”

Multiple factors produce or change beliefs and attitudes

War, economy, scandal, poverty, race, media, religion, family

So that this does not become a tome it is necessary

To limit this epistle to one possible explanation

For some of the changes across generations

That might diminish

The message the Baby Boomers

Could bequeath to the next generations

Constancy and just one aspect of constancy of belief

Specifically there is no valid rationale or explanation

For intimate relationships prior to a lifetime commitment

What? Are you crazy?

Who believes that anymore?

You do, that’s who

Simple logic

Is a life mate chosen by sampling?

Theoretically choices are made by

Understanding self, your best self and

Then recognizing those qualities in others

‘Hooking up’ is an option for those creatures

Unable to procreate intelligent beings

Respect and honor are the underpinnings

For a long term relationship

Granted with a fifty per cent divorce rate

Previous generations do not prove

That abstinence prior to commitment

Is any guarantee for a long term relationship

But continued faith in the principle bolsters the effort

Is this disparity of belief and practice

Between Baby Boomers and Millennials

A direct reflection on the loss of vision by Baby Boomers?

Yes

The ‘path of least resistance’ is to ‘close ones’ eyes’

Not comment or not maintain the belief

That a long term committed relationship

Is the true indicator of respect and honor

Between a couple

Allowing, society to glorify or minimize commitment

Blurs and degrades

Adherence to our view of ourselves and others is crucial

As one generation leaves their core beliefs to the next

Respect and honor begin with personal relationships

FXC

3/31/19

Three naive high school boys

In July of ’66

Between junior and senior year

Quite dissimilar

Save for their quest

To procure female companionship

Embarking from O’Hare

To Reno

Then borrowing a car

From another friend’s dad

To drive to Yosemite

Clueless really

Somehow a collective

Understanding that

They needed to be seen

To succeed

Rented a cabin

Sitting outside

As if they would attract

Simply by being seen

Or as if pheromones

Would waft and capture

Their desired prey

Hours seemed to only add

Anxiety to their appearance

Till with sunlight fading

It seemed a young waif

Might have looked towards them

But the encroaching night

Put to rest their day’s struggle

FXC

3/30/19

Some look forward

To going out to a movie

Others can’t wait to try

A new restaurant

A soft intimate moment

Is desired by still others

But a little late in the game

I have found ‘Story Hour’

To be the most desired ticket in town

‘Story Hour’, ‘Story Hour’

Seriously? Seriously?

How can that be?

Well like most things

There is a history

Spent my early years as a parent

Working way too many hours

Trying to achieve what I already had at home

Little children and a loving wife

Nonetheless I had a few moments with them

But not enough as I now know

Of course my wife invited me

To my first ‘Story Hour’

Well, invited is a misnomer

Actually said we were going to ‘Story Hour’

With our youngest granddaughter

Two years old, blond and a pistol

So Wednesday from 9:30 to 11 was blocked off on the calendar

All other appointments were cancelled

Cell phones were turned off

And why?

Fifteen to twenty-five two to three year olds

Congregated

Okay, congregated is not even close

To an accurate description of the scene

My first impression was that I needed to protect myself

Children running without fear or brakes on their little legs

At any moment, I could see myself being toppled

Landing who know where

Finding a place on the wall to maintain my balance

Was critical in this first endeavor in Story Hour protocol

Yes, yes there were some parents

But actually it seemed grandparents

Were the primary defense between chaos and storytelling

You’re right

That is scary

But actually there is a bond with a grandparent

That at the very least

Elicits a need on the child’s part

To sit on a lap, or hide behind

Or maybe even slow to a jog

But then the ‘Storyteller’ begins the familiar music

Which signals the arrival of ‘Story Time’

The running slows down, eyes turn

Some little ones even sit

To enjoy the show

A mixture of songs, reading and dancing

Finishing with an art project

And pictures, pictures,

Are part of the contract grandparents have with parents

So that while the parents are at work

They will receive a picture of their perfect one at ‘Story Hour’

I am mesmerized by the unaltered joy

The unmitigated pleasure

The pure bubbling of laughter

Emanating from the youthful audience of the

‘Story Hour’

And yes, I have our tickets for the next Wednesday

FXC

3/30/19

Sunny but still cool Tuesday evening

As your red pick up truck with motor running

Was parked outside Kroger

I saw your oxygen line hanging from your face

You rolled down the window

Your face started telling your story

Before you even spoke

Knew your wife had died last year

It was obvious you missed her cooking

You admitted to losing thirty pounds

Your torments then flowed from you

In and out of the hospital with unknown ailments

Twelve years ago when you had these same type ailments

Ruth had helped to nurse you back

Now you look up from a hospital bed

In a white, white room

With only regrets to recollect

A long life, seventy six years

Unfulfilled dreams

Feelings not expressed

Unable to forgive yourself

Lost, lost in the endless downward spiral

We spoke of the good you had done towards myself and others

You could acknowledge that you had tried to do right

Mostly you worried about how you had been with Ruth

Tears welled up, slowly rolling down the creases of your face

Jim, Jim I so want to hold and hug you

To tell you I love you

That you are a good man

Please forgive yourself

As truly you are the only judge there is

I wish I had opened your door to hold you

And share your tears

FXC

3/28/19

Happy Anniversary! Unfortunately I bring to our marriage today

No more than I bought six years ago

I am sorry about that

Someday I hope to be able to offer you more

You have been so patient

Somehow it seems we always

Have hope and each other

The children enrich our marriage

But only if we are together ourselves and

Receptive to them

This little note

Could be filled with your virtues

But you do not believe me when I tell you anyway

Let me tell you instead what the girls and I have now that

That we would not have had, if I had not met you

You have been so gentle with us

You softly answer our questions and more

Your warm body with sleepy smile

Has accepted us in forever hugs

In your arms

Our day begins securely with

Your acceptance

We have grown from your rays

We have life from your rain

We have hope from your belief

Memories, memories

That you have given us

We recognize and respond to you

Only you, only you

So much Julie to know

Sixty more years to go

I do not want to comment on our poverty

We never will have all that we might want

Ergo, why worry about what we don’t have

When we have all that we need

KMC, EBC, and JBC

FXC

9/13/75

Naked and bare

As it were

Discovered myself

Exposed for what I was

A presumptuous bombastic know it all

All my views of how the world should be

Which I believed I shared with so many

Left shredded as I learned

That who I thought were very close friends

Believed exactly the opposite of me

Sick, sick, sad, depressed

There is no good in the world anymore

No coherent path to good and fair

How do you even relate to ‘THOSE’ people

Obviously not even morally fully developed

How do I keep living in this world of

Spiritually bankrupt souls if they even have souls

Shoved in my face that throughout my entire life

Was that I walked, ate, played and was even related

To some of these same individuals

Could it be that I had discovered the real demarcation

Between good and evil

That my eternal effort now

Must be to defeat their thought processes

I could name names

And would if by doing so

Would change their minds

Or have one iota of affect on their behavior

No, no what hurts in my souls

Is that it took 70 years

70 years

To learn this one

Universal truth

You are not me

Thank the Lord

FXC

3/26/19

Some details

A family that has held on to each other

Over many travels and travails

Dad a lawyer in the Army

Went to Tokyo for war trials after WWII

Brought my Mother Margaret and two sisters

Regina Mary 5/13/43 and Mary Eagan 10/18/45

Both born in Columbus Ohio

Then I came along 9/13/49 Tokyo

Back to the states

Another sister Margaret Mary 1951

In Columbia South Carolina

Then Thomas Joseph Jr. Ft Leavenworth KS in 1952

Michael Clark 4/23/54 in Chicago

Germany 56-59

Jane Marie born 6/18/58 in Stuttgart

Ft Knox ’59-63

Chicago 63-66 Dad retired

Friendships usually intense but fleeting

Details always few

Seemingly always saying hello and good-bye

But learning to adjust to new environments

A prerequisite for living

My saving emotional time

The Passionist Seminary

Warrenton MO ’63-’67

Friends I have to this day

Two siblings gone

Regina and Tom

Then met Julie Becker

Now the home is where the heart is

FXC

3/24/19

Oh my

Need to tell you

For so long

Too long

Had difficulty hearing what you said

Lip reading was becoming

A poorly learned skill of mine

Reacting to other people’s faces

My main method for understanding

What was said

No one needed to use hushed tones

Around me

As my befuddled face

Spoke of my ignorance

Grocery clerks would speak to me

Then turn to my wife

So clear their poignant observation

My children would just talk louder and slower

Grandchildren are always loud

So actually I was good there

TILL HEARING AIDS

What! My world has come back

Yes, yes

First of course the birds chirping while I walk

My own footsteps on carpet or wood

The microwave when turned on

The humming of the refrigerator

Water running

Felt like ‘Helen Keller’ bless her soul

So many times while laying close to you

Needed to get up on my elbow

To watch your lips

As you tried to talk to me

Repeating something for the hundredth time

Still not perfect but now I have no excuse

For not hearing you

There is a downside

At night they have to be taken out

The sensation is like being submerged in water

Seriously

So muffled

Everything becomes so muffled

Till the next morning

Now putting the hearing aids in

Completes my morning routine

Alleluia!

FXC

3/24/19