Like so many, no real desperate drive for riches and glory

More so a searching need for love, friends, food on the table, a roof over my head

Never in my wildest dreams could I have envisioned

Being the recipient of a family heirloom of Fiesta dinner plates

Sixteen lead free Fiesta plates

There are just two of us so you can imagine

The numbing realization that never ever would

We lack for a dinner plate even if we lived to a hundred

Like any lottery winner considered sharing with other family members

However that idea was quickly and firmly nixed

By the well established Madame of the house

So it is then

Worrying about dinner plates has been crossed off the bucket list

Attention may be turned towards the remainder of the place settings

Though there remains many unopened boxes

That might fill the definitive need for completing these places settings

The richest family of two in the world!

FXC 2/16/2020

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So many times have been in Grandma Mary’s house

Never delved into exactly what was in there

Do know the walls were covered

Children, relatives, travel, awards

Memories which papered their walls

Furniture, sturdy stock tinged with wear

Always felt functional beauty would be an apt description

Sitting on a fall away lot

Views of the seasons colored one’s days

But Grandma Mary and Poppee

No longer gaze out the picture window

They still see us much as I feel we see them

Now we try to sort and share their last possessions

So practical now how one analyzes belongings

That were once hardly noticed

Some items, now they are called items, too personal

To share outside the family

Huddled conversations to determine

Another home to preserve the memory

Like pebbles on a pond

Possessions are scattered

Now some to those willing to purchase

Soon enough the house now eerily but peacefully quiet

Empty except for echoes

Their third child and second daughter

Has stepped into the breech to lead her sweet sisters

In the healing

She now the Maitre d lost in thought wanders the empty rooms

Her job done, a job she did not seek

Finally the door must close

To a family’s life of 70 years

Who knew that Poppee and Grandma Mary

Were hiding the Queen of their own Estate Sale

FXC 2/9/2020

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Though not being an identified card expert

Did certainly know what a ‘Full House’ conveyed

So was well prepared when

My own house was FULL

Oh how to paint this picture for you

In many ways nothing new

Multiple style changes and moves

Had ensured the house was well packed

With seemingly nothing missing

In any room

But lurking in the attic or basement

Potential replacements too cute

To leave in the consignment store

Thought my house was full then

But a child divorces

Enough said, out with the old

But my precious Mother-in law passes

And the flood of memories cascade

Even I feel at peace sleeping

In a bed bought in 1952

Finally I have my Full House

FXC 1/20/2020

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Ah the advantages of a second chance

Usually at work by 5

Relegated my favorite friend

To early morning child care

While working her own job

Now however with grown children

Working, their children have

Periodically slipped into my province

Which might include

‘Chick filet’ or bowling or

Whatever I deem necessary for their life enrichment

Sometimes you don’t realize what you missed the first time around

Don’t even know if there was hip hop 49 years ago

When my first child was born

Got to see a lot of ballet and recitals

Well now the extra curriculum choices are in my domain

Or should I say

Being decided by whichever grandchild I’m guiding that day

Well today, i am following around my ten year old grandchild

Whose father I definitely know did not ‘hip-hop’

Small class of 6 from 6-10

A suspicion the teacher was deaf

The music so loud as to reverberate the walls

But the result was pure delight

Phones were out to film

The latest potential ‘America’s Got Talent’ participants

With the class over the teacher invited the parents

To an adult hip hop class that very night

At 8, right

A smiling mother, rather impishly asked me

Would I be there

My reply just as coy

If they have ballroom hip hop

FXC 1/18/2020

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Continue reading →

Fortunately the pursuit of pleasure

Is a life long goal

Many examples of this drive exist

The first sip of hot coffee on a cold morning

Slowly reaching the farthest nerve endings

Ignite a need to recreate this sensation

Every morning, that morning jolt is craved

But recreating that sensation is quite difficult

There is a preponderance of evidence

That pleasure is an illusion, a false memory of the past

And yet such a difficult lesson to learn

Examples abound

That one more drink will increase the fun at a party

Will butter pecan ice cream be sweeter than pistachio

Or even if intimacy is great more intimacy would be unimaginable

When really the truth is that pain is avoided if possible

And yet, and yet is it possible

That pleasure is the absence of pain

That the pursuit is not for pleasure

But for happiness

Now there is a ‘can of worms’

I’d save this thought for next time

But I’m on a roll

Have heard that happiness of necessity is not acquired but given

At its subliminal level

The definition of good and evil

FXC 1/18/2020

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Perchance three years ago

You might have had a crystal ball

To see the road before you

Maybe filled with silver spoons

Or lumps of coal

But true to form

This life is no guarantee

For one to be happy or sad

Seems a flip of the coin

Oftentimes decides ones fate

So it is with you young lady

Your young life now decided

By events you had no say in

Much like being hit by a drunk or distracted driver

Others maybe years ago set in motion

Activities which ensured your life would veer

Swerving oftentimes out of control

Decisions now being made as if for your good

But really for their good

Divorce can possibly have that affect

On a good day there is a 50% chance a marriage will fail

No one told you?

Sorry, sorry now everyone says sorry

As you scurry from one abode to the next

On your court ordered visitation schedule

Close daily encounters with cousins or grandparents

Are now obsolete

As you are quickly introduced to newly acquired relatives or friends

But every time I might still have a chance to hold you tight

I will clutch you so as never to let you go

Tears will slowly dry

Your pain and memory distant echos

As you will always be

My perfect little three year old girl

‘PaPa’

FXC 12/16/19

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Simple task

Thanksgiving morning

Needed aluminum foil

To cover baking turkey

Still chilly 36

Jacket wallet keys

Poor Walmart employees

Still stocking shelves

Open parking spaces at 7:46

Opened door

Put legs out on concrete

Noticed pretty quickly

No pants on

Just last year’s Christmas pajama bottoms

In my defense dark green with little Santa’s

But really a brief moment of ‘what had I done’

Surely the cold weather, the early hours, the season

Would distract staff and fellow shoppers

Then quite clearly this fallacious belief

Was dismissed by slight glances

Eyes lowered, looked away, smirks

Even being spoken too as if I should not have been released

“Excuse me sweetie”

And there is no way going faster hides the obvious

Speed seems to just garner more attention

Never did I think my car would truly be my get away

‘On Donner, on Blitzer

Please speed away to anonymity

FXC 11/28/19

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Never thought I’d see you leave

Always on stage

Hosting family and friends

On the phone

Listening, encouraging, consoling

Always we were in your arms

Being held with your love

Always you listened, not judging

Today is the first Thanksgiving

Without you sitting at our table

Though there you are with your soft eyes

Always, always still warming us

While happy or sad

Today it seems we still need your love

More than ever

Tears and smiles seem to mark our existence

Though I called you Mom

Many younger ones called you

Grandma ma Mary!

Thank you so much Mom!

Love you forever

FXC 11/28/19

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Lingering in the shadows

Of relationships

Unspoken topics

That are in their place for a reason

Open relationships

Don’t really refer

To dalliances

But more to subjects

That have been mentioned

Or possibly even discussed

Yet there is a growing list

Of headline grabbing ideas

That should remain hidden

Not to be given voice to

But how is one to know

If personal protocol

Has been breached

Unfortunately for the unwary

Only when a verboten thought

Has been expressed

Is it immediately clear that

Civility has left the room

Few examples:

“We can have the shower when the house is clean”

“Why do you blow the leaves and I get to pick them up”

“Is there a reason for 8 pie plates for 2 people”

“Shouldn’t the storage containers have lids”

“So should the grandchildren pick up toys before they go home”

“I could help cook”

To the unwary or insensitive

These topics

Will immediately bring forth

Objects in the spokesperson’s direction

A stare meant to freeze the antagonist for eternity

A silence that deafens any future coherent thought

Relationships are potentially an excellent

Assistance for a learning curve

Provided there is material to work with

FXC 11/21/19

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Outlet malls on a clear, cool Saturday afternoon

Are awash with feverish customers

Convinced it’s not too early for Christmas shopping

Nor too late for a bargain

Entering ‘Old Navy’ quickly ended the dream of a quick stop

Four check out lines wound around

Three aisles with each customer seemingly hell bent

On finishing their Christmas shopping TODAY

Immediately I began to plead my case

That there was not enough time to wait in the checkout line

Even promised a quick stop at Target to get whatever was needed

Or even more money was offered for an online purchase

But the prices were too low for my logic too overcome

The anticipated nightmare of an endless line

Sulking I began to analyze the composition of the line

Chatting Mother’s and daughter’s

Teenage girls with a grandmother in tow

Girlfriends of varied ages just flat out having a wonderful time

Even an occasional guy, who knows why

But then square in the middle of the line

An older fellow, okay what’s old?

His face spelt his age

He knew the agony he had fallen into

His place in line was dictated

By the one still shopping in the store

He was the PLACE holder

Yes he was in Purgatory

With really no heaven in sight

Glancing furtively

Hoping his pain would be relieved

By the return of his companion

She then would take his place

Allowing him to maybe rest

Twenty maybe twenty five minutes

Had past since I began my vigil of the line

When I learned the man’s name

“John, John’, a woman called to him

“Come on, come on they don’t have what I want

Let’s go”

John looked around for witnesses

To the injustice he had just endured

Waiting in line for nothing

Oh the life of a pawn

FXC 11/3/2019

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